By Dirty Dan
I came across what I could only describe as the worst television show I have ever seen the other day, and I immediately added it to my DVR queue. I’m almost ashamed to say the name of the show because unless you have seen it, you will think it is any number of stupid and offensive things, but I urge you to put it on, pack a bowl, and indulge in the lives of some of the United State’s most offensive assholes.
The name of the show is Tool Academy, and I won’t go into where and when you can find it. I know it’s on VH-1, but I don’t know when (the DVR takes care of such information). I know, I know, the name sounds stupid, and yes, it is a reality show, which, in and of itself makes it more than likely awful. But, myself, as well as two other people were watching it, and all three of us were completely fascinated by these idiots. The show’s basic concept is that these poor, white trash women who, for some unknown reason, date these complete tools. They are fed up with their cheating, and tooling around. Not fed up enough, you know, to stand up and walk away from the shit filled relationship. Instead? They do what any normal human being in a shitty relationship would do; they call VH-1.
VH-1 then takes these couples and bring them to a house where they put the tools to the test. They tell these douche bags that they are competing on a show called “Mr. Awesome”, and these idiots believe it! I mean, they’re tools, so I guess that’s not as surprising as I thought it was. So basically, the guys, who are all stereotypical douche bags (many of whom MUST be from New Jersey and Long Island), walk around the show talking openly about how they have multiple girlfriends and ‘lavish’ lifestyles while their girlfriends sit and watch their every word and action on tv monitors in another room. Then, the girls come out and confront the tools. In the end of each episode, one tool gets voted off, and his girlfriend has the option of leaving with them, or without them. It’s one of televisions greatest questions, and the one episode I saw… she leaves with him! After he admitted openly to treating her like a pile of shit.
After watching television like this, it’s no wonder the rest of the world views the United States as a bunch of tools.