Category Archives: Dirty Observations

California is Dirty, and I LOVE It!

By Dirty Dan


I came across this article this morning.  Apparently in this current time of the Apocalypse, desperate times call for ‘desperate‘ measures.  Over the past decade and beyond, the State of California has drowned itself in debt due to an over abundance of ‘social programs’ that enable those less fortunate to reap the benefits of those who aren’t.  Long story short, you think the US economy is in the shitter?  The California State economy has slimed it’s way down the shitter, and is sitting in a pile of rot and used feminine products in the septic tank.  So, naturally, all of the politicians are scrambling for ideas on how to save face.  One such idea was recently concocted (or should I say, re-presented as original) by Democratic State Assembly member Tom Ammiano.  He wants to legalize marijuana and give the state additional tax revenue on the $14+ billion industry that is this cash crop.

Now, not only does this sound Utopian because I’m a born-again stoner, but it also makes perfect sense.  I mean, you see all the arguments for and against pot, but one thing remains true…  all of the other legal drugs (alcohol, tobacco and, yes, even caffeine) have been linked to death.  Alcohol especially, leads to deaths of others through drunk driving/wife beating/etc. But you never hear about stoners crashing into walls or baby carriages on the street, and you certainly don’t read about the stoner who went on a shooting rampage.  Stoners are chill.  It’s part of the culture!  So, why wouldn’t the government want to open the door for all of that extra revenue?  I mean, generally speaking, it seems that law enforcement officials have better things to do these days than stroll through a park and rough up a few hippies for that dime bag in their pocket. 

Legalization of marijuana would benefit EVERYONE.  And I challenge you to prove me wrong.  The government would make money.  The stoner would pay less because it’d no longer be illegal.  The dealer would either be forced to move on to harder, more profitable drugs, or get a job at a video store (or do countless other things).  And nobody gets hurt.  Period.  The fact remains that people who want to smoke pot, will smoke pot.  Legal or not, they still have avenues to find it, buy it and smoke (or bake) it.  AND, it would subject the American people to less useless news stories about celebrity pot scandals.  Maybe then we could collectively focus on bigger, more personally relevant issues that should be the focus of our attention!!! (last dirty white blog plug, I promise)

All in all, what’s the big deal people???  All the right players are in place in CA (see picture above), so let’s get down to business!  After all, what better way to introduce a little joy into this sullen world?  To quote Jay from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, “Yo! You guys need to turn those frowns upside down. And I got just the thing for that.”


Our Government is Dirty and I’m Mad As Hell!

By Dirty Dan

This is an interesting, brief article, and accompanying video clip.  It shows just how bad it hasn’t even gotten out there.  What’s sad about this ‘recession’ is that the government has known about all of these red flags for decades, but nobody did anything about it because you can’t get elected by speaking reality.  Nobody wants to hear how they’ve been spending too much money that they don’t have.

In order to get elected, you have to please the masses, which, in this case, are people who are in more debt than they can handle.  So, in essence, the government is currently in the process of trying to make it less painful in the near term by forgoing economic prosperity in the future.   

The latest round of government spending is a $250 billion dollar effort to slow the process of home foreclosures.  What NEEDS to happen is the price of the average home has to come down to an affordable level.  But that would hurt a bunch of people idiots who have invested too much in their homes (many of whom were hoping to flip them right as the housing market turned).   

Whether these people live in their homes or not, they should be forced to foreclose if they need to.  Buying a house is an investment.  Like anything else, there is risk involved.  You may make money, you may lose it.  That’s EXACTLY why I have chosen not to buy a house over the past five years.  But who would get elected by telling those people that they’re screwed?   What annoys me most of all about this economic slump is that it wasn’t a lack of information on the government’s part, it was a blatant attempt to get votes that led our government officials to turn their heads.  Instead of letting the market correct itself, the politicians are trying to interfere…  In the entire history of our country, that has NEVER worked in a positive way.

Dirty Croc

By Dirty Dan

dirty-crocodileOn my way to work this morning, I came across this crazy story in the news.  Apparently, a five year old boy was playing near a river when he vanished on February 8th.  Jeremy Doble had been playing with his seven-year-old brother Ryan and their dog behind their family property in a flooded mangrove swamp when he disappeared.  His brother, being a ‘good brother’, mentioned seeing a crocodile, but never witnessed any attack linked to said disappearance.  A few days later, his remains were found in the stomach of a 14ft male crocodile trapped in the flooded Daintree River in north Queensland.  

What an unfortunate occurrence.  I mean, you can’t really predict when it’s your time to go, but I’m sure that was the last thing on this kids mind, regardless of whether he saw a croc or not.  And, in fairness to the croc, this kid probably did see him coming because his parents run a “Crocodile Spotting” business.  And in fact, those parents are apparently not seeking vengeance on the reptile in question.  They’ve asked that the crocodile that ate their son not be killed because he’s “the dominant male in that part of the river.”  What the fuck?  Really?  If that thing ate anyone I know, let alone my son, I would say ‘off with it’s head’.

Dirty Brits Procreate Like It’s Nobody’s Business.

By Dirty Dan

13 year old baby

Just when you thought this world was fucked up enough.  Less than a week after some dumb bitch in California made headlines for having children # 7-15 in one sitting– even though she can’t afford her first 6- this headline comes out of England.  No word on whether this story is true or not, but if it is, it appears as though the Brits are trying to compete with us for the ‘World’s Dumbest People’ Award.  A 13 year old boy and his 15 year old girlfriend had unprotected sex about 9 months ago.  The rest, you can predict.  The kid, ahem, father, looks more like he’s 8 years old.  I guess that means that the baby will grow up to look young, assuming the parents don’t accidentally kill him or something.  How do children so young decide to keep a baby?  There are just so many things wrong with this.  Well, in my opinion, I guess.  Technically, if they were old enough to conceive, I guess that makes it scientifically plausible.  I don’t know that that makes it right though.


In Any Event, Happy Valentines.  Do us all a favor today.  If you can’t afford- or understand- children, try not to conceive.

WTF Snuggie?!?!?

By Dirty Dan

For some reason, people love these ridiculous snuggies.  I can tell based on the amount of random people who find the Dirty White Blog.  A large percentage of them find it by searching for words like ‘snuggie’, ‘snuggie scam,’ snuggie sucks’, etc.  Therefore, I’ve posted the ‘parody’ video above.  It captures my sentiments toward the snuggie, exactly.  Basically, if you want to be a tool, wear a snuggie.

Ticketmaster Is Dirty

By Dirty Dan


A few days ago, I read that Bruce Springsteen fans were making some noise about Ticketmaster, and how they tried to buy tickets to his concerts, only to be redirected to another ticket site that cost more than double face value.  Not only that, but the website that they were directed to was owned by Ticketmaster.  Why did it take so long for anyone to raise this issue?  Ticketmaster has been doing dirty business like this for years.  It’s never been easy to get tickets to popular events through ticketmaster.  If you try to get them online, it sells out in 30 seconds, sometimes less.  Nobody bothers using the phone system anymore, but that was horrible too.  Even their multiple presales through various sponsors such as American Express sell out ridiculously fast.  Then, the only way to get tickets is to buy them off of one of their other, more expensive sites, or find some scalper on ebay or craigslist.  Sometimes, you can manage to get lucky and find someone who genuinely bought tickets to go to the show, but then something came up and they resell them for face value.  I’ve done that before myself.

I understand the concept of Capitalism, and that there is a market for high interest tickets.  I even understand the motives of a scalper.  I mean, if you’re lucky enough to get tickets to a popular event, you should be entitled to sell the tickets for profit.  Why not?  My problem is that Ticketmaster blatantly does this.  Tickets are already overpriced due to bullshit fees and convenience charges.  If a ticket is on sale for $35, it ends up being closer to $45-50 when Ticketmaster is done with them.  With that said, where do they get off dumping most of their tickets to another site that they can then turn them around for more money.  That doesn’t seem legit.  And why did it take Springsteen Fans in 2009, 20+ years past his prime to discover and complain about this scam?  When Pearl Jam complained about this same bullshit in the early 90’s, they were beat down like a nerd with a retainer.

Have You Been Living Under A Rock???

By Dirty Dan

digital television transistion

Over the past couple of years we’ve all been warned about this ‘Digital Television Transistion.’  At first it seemed like a ploy for manufacturers to boost sales of their high definition televisions.  However, after about a year of doom and gloom, it was revealed that all this transition meant was that after a specified date, you need to subscribe to cable, or at least get a digital converter box.  That date was February 17, 2009.  It’s been promoted for at least two years, yet, for some reason, Congress just voted to extend the date another four months until June.  

Apparently, there are almost 7 million people in this country who still use rabbit ears to get a television signal.  And, after years of promotion on this digital transition, these people still haven’t converted to cable.  In fact, they haven’t even taken the government issued $50 rebate to get a free digital converter box.  I mean, what more do we have to do for these people?  Will extending the date another few months really get them off of their fat asses to go to Radio Shack and pick up a converter?  I say if they haven’t done so by now, fuck ’em.  Why should we waste our time, money and assets trying to walk these people through their simple existence?  They’ve had ample time to fix their situation.  I say we just flip the switch, and if they lose their signal, perhaps they’ll either get the situation fixed (so as not to miss one single episode of ‘Dancing With Your Mom‘), or they’ll rediscover life without television.  Maybe then they’ll snap out of their zombie-like state and become more productive members of society.

In case you are one of the people who hasn’t updated your television, here’s a link that will answer any of your questions.  You’re dirty, but don’t ever say I don’t give you anything.