Category Archives: Dirty Dan

California is Dirty, and I LOVE It!

By Dirty Dan


I came across this article this morning.  Apparently in this current time of the Apocalypse, desperate times call for ‘desperate‘ measures.  Over the past decade and beyond, the State of California has drowned itself in debt due to an over abundance of ‘social programs’ that enable those less fortunate to reap the benefits of those who aren’t.  Long story short, you think the US economy is in the shitter?  The California State economy has slimed it’s way down the shitter, and is sitting in a pile of rot and used feminine products in the septic tank.  So, naturally, all of the politicians are scrambling for ideas on how to save face.  One such idea was recently concocted (or should I say, re-presented as original) by Democratic State Assembly member Tom Ammiano.  He wants to legalize marijuana and give the state additional tax revenue on the $14+ billion industry that is this cash crop.

Now, not only does this sound Utopian because I’m a born-again stoner, but it also makes perfect sense.  I mean, you see all the arguments for and against pot, but one thing remains true…  all of the other legal drugs (alcohol, tobacco and, yes, even caffeine) have been linked to death.  Alcohol especially, leads to deaths of others through drunk driving/wife beating/etc. But you never hear about stoners crashing into walls or baby carriages on the street, and you certainly don’t read about the stoner who went on a shooting rampage.  Stoners are chill.  It’s part of the culture!  So, why wouldn’t the government want to open the door for all of that extra revenue?  I mean, generally speaking, it seems that law enforcement officials have better things to do these days than stroll through a park and rough up a few hippies for that dime bag in their pocket. 

Legalization of marijuana would benefit EVERYONE.  And I challenge you to prove me wrong.  The government would make money.  The stoner would pay less because it’d no longer be illegal.  The dealer would either be forced to move on to harder, more profitable drugs, or get a job at a video store (or do countless other things).  And nobody gets hurt.  Period.  The fact remains that people who want to smoke pot, will smoke pot.  Legal or not, they still have avenues to find it, buy it and smoke (or bake) it.  AND, it would subject the American people to less useless news stories about celebrity pot scandals.  Maybe then we could collectively focus on bigger, more personally relevant issues that should be the focus of our attention!!! (last dirty white blog plug, I promise)

All in all, what’s the big deal people???  All the right players are in place in CA (see picture above), so let’s get down to business!  After all, what better way to introduce a little joy into this sullen world?  To quote Jay from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, “Yo! You guys need to turn those frowns upside down. And I got just the thing for that.”


Religulous Exposes the Dirt that is Organized Religion

By Dirty Dan


I finally got around to seeing Bill Maher’s surprisingly poignant documentary Religulous last night.  Now, granted, it’s pretty one sided, in a sense that they don’t really choose the best responses from the individuals he interviews (at least, I really, REALLY hope they aren’t the best responses!!!).  Based on the people he interviews, from the streets of middle America all the way to the Vatican, the film made me wonder how anyone could possibly take the Bible, the Koran, the Kabbalah or any other book that tries to dictate one’s moral actions seriously.

Throughout the film, Maher wanders the world debating anyone who’ll speak to him about the concepts and ideas of all the various world religions.  He poses very simple questions such as “if God is all mighty, then why doesn’t he just rid the world of Satan?”  Answer:  he will.

He will?  Wtf is that?!?!

Most of the people chicken out and run away (or look like they want to punch him) when they realize his intent of making a ‘documentary about religion’.  I understand that it’s hard to mess with people and their faith, but some of these people are blatantly trying to cash in off of religion more than actually believe in it themselves.  One of my more favorite moments was when he asked someone who claims to have received a message from God why God only communicates with one person at a time.  Wouldn’t it be much more efficient for God to speak to all human beings at once?  I mean, does God not have spam capabilities? 

In the film, Maher is able to expose Organized Religion for what it is.  After all, why is it only individuals who are at weak points in their lives (ie. in jail, recovering from assorted addictions, experienced loss of a loved one, etc) who claim to have faith and believe in God.  Doesn’t that seem to be very convenient for those who profit off of the weak?  In Religulous, Maher interviews one of those televangelists who preaches on tv to hundreds of thousands of people at once.  He makes a point to mention all of the designer clothes, fancy jewels and snakeskin boots that the televangelist is wearing, and how they were bought with money from the collection plate.  This man, who many people rely on for faith, tells Maher that his viewers expect him to look good.

I could, and should, write a blog of some sort on this film, and organized religion as a whole.  But I’m pressed for time right now, and the key message I found most inspiring in Religulous was that anyone and everyone who is nonreligious, Atheist or Agnostic…  we need to stand up and unite as one, and tell all of these people who would rather kill and destroy in the name of their God than share a world of peace to shut the fuck up and find a new hobby.

Be Careful What You Wish For…


Our Government is Dirty and I’m Mad As Hell!

By Dirty Dan

This is an interesting, brief article, and accompanying video clip.  It shows just how bad it hasn’t even gotten out there.  What’s sad about this ‘recession’ is that the government has known about all of these red flags for decades, but nobody did anything about it because you can’t get elected by speaking reality.  Nobody wants to hear how they’ve been spending too much money that they don’t have.

In order to get elected, you have to please the masses, which, in this case, are people who are in more debt than they can handle.  So, in essence, the government is currently in the process of trying to make it less painful in the near term by forgoing economic prosperity in the future.   

The latest round of government spending is a $250 billion dollar effort to slow the process of home foreclosures.  What NEEDS to happen is the price of the average home has to come down to an affordable level.  But that would hurt a bunch of people idiots who have invested too much in their homes (many of whom were hoping to flip them right as the housing market turned).   

Whether these people live in their homes or not, they should be forced to foreclose if they need to.  Buying a house is an investment.  Like anything else, there is risk involved.  You may make money, you may lose it.  That’s EXACTLY why I have chosen not to buy a house over the past five years.  But who would get elected by telling those people that they’re screwed?   What annoys me most of all about this economic slump is that it wasn’t a lack of information on the government’s part, it was a blatant attempt to get votes that led our government officials to turn their heads.  Instead of letting the market correct itself, the politicians are trying to interfere…  In the entire history of our country, that has NEVER worked in a positive way.

Dirty Stimulus Plan


A satirical look at the current Economic Stimulus Plan.  Bravo, New York Post.

Dirty Croc

By Dirty Dan

dirty-crocodileOn my way to work this morning, I came across this crazy story in the news.  Apparently, a five year old boy was playing near a river when he vanished on February 8th.  Jeremy Doble had been playing with his seven-year-old brother Ryan and their dog behind their family property in a flooded mangrove swamp when he disappeared.  His brother, being a ‘good brother’, mentioned seeing a crocodile, but never witnessed any attack linked to said disappearance.  A few days later, his remains were found in the stomach of a 14ft male crocodile trapped in the flooded Daintree River in north Queensland.  

What an unfortunate occurrence.  I mean, you can’t really predict when it’s your time to go, but I’m sure that was the last thing on this kids mind, regardless of whether he saw a croc or not.  And, in fairness to the croc, this kid probably did see him coming because his parents run a “Crocodile Spotting” business.  And in fact, those parents are apparently not seeking vengeance on the reptile in question.  They’ve asked that the crocodile that ate their son not be killed because he’s “the dominant male in that part of the river.”  What the fuck?  Really?  If that thing ate anyone I know, let alone my son, I would say ‘off with it’s head’.

Dirty Brits Procreate Like It’s Nobody’s Business.

By Dirty Dan

13 year old baby

Just when you thought this world was fucked up enough.  Less than a week after some dumb bitch in California made headlines for having children # 7-15 in one sitting– even though she can’t afford her first 6- this headline comes out of England.  No word on whether this story is true or not, but if it is, it appears as though the Brits are trying to compete with us for the ‘World’s Dumbest People’ Award.  A 13 year old boy and his 15 year old girlfriend had unprotected sex about 9 months ago.  The rest, you can predict.  The kid, ahem, father, looks more like he’s 8 years old.  I guess that means that the baby will grow up to look young, assuming the parents don’t accidentally kill him or something.  How do children so young decide to keep a baby?  There are just so many things wrong with this.  Well, in my opinion, I guess.  Technically, if they were old enough to conceive, I guess that makes it scientifically plausible.  I don’t know that that makes it right though.


In Any Event, Happy Valentines.  Do us all a favor today.  If you can’t afford- or understand- children, try not to conceive.