By Dirty Dan
I’m sure you’ve seen those stupid commercials for Snuggies. The world’s one and only blanket cloak. It shows people wearing them in an assortment of colors, on the couch, in bed, at their kid’s sporting event, etc. It is yet another product that should just be incinerated and destroyed. The only value this shit provides is humor while watching those stupid ass commercials.
As ridiculous a concept as it is, for some reason, the Snuggie keeps popping up in my life outside of those commercials. First, my girlfriend received a card in the mail telling her that her Snuggie order was delayed due to high demand over the holidays. She didn’t order one, nor did I. We thought it may have been someone trying to play a sick joke by ordering that piece of shit and sending it for Christmas or something. Then we determined that it was actually a scam when she googled the card she received.
Today, I was looking over my bank statement and I came across some charge on my account for $67 and change. After trying to recall any and all drunken nights I’ve had over the last week or two, and whether I was drunk enough to order a Snuggie for some unknown reason, I determined that this was IMPOSSIBLE. There is absolutely NO WAY that I would order that bullshit. I’d sooner order a Chia Pet or something. On the other hand, my girlfriend has been known to smmoke a bowl and order stupid shit off of those infomercials, but she assured me that even she would not buy that crap.
Next to the charge, it said “SNUGGIE800-6638166”. I called the number, but there was no mention of any product, and it asked you to hit any of four options. None of the options actually take you anywhere. It’s a dead phone number. But how did they get my card info?!?!? the only thing I can think of is that I left my card at a bar last Friday night (I’ll have to write about that story another time. It’s a good one though!), and picked it up the following day. But would someone on the bar staff order a Snuggie just to order a Snuggie? I wonder if someone saw the commercial at the bar and ordered one using my card. That’s so fucked up.
Posted in Dirty Dan, Dirty Observations, Dirty Tales
Tagged 800-663-8166, 800-6638166, 8006638166, Chia Pet, Christmas, Dirty Dan, Dirty White Blog, infomercial, Snuggie, Snuggie Scam
By Dirty Dan
So, last night, on my walk to the train, I had to detour through one of those tunnels that go under construction sites. There is this huge hotel being built, so they make pedestrians walk under the construction so that in the event that something falls (lately, cranes in New York City tend to collapse when God farts). Anyway, I was walking through, and all of a sudden, I heard this whistling. I rounded a corner to find a- what seemed to be homeless- man sitting next to his worldly possessions, whistling the song ‘Silver Bells’.
Now, seeing how this is more than two weeks after Christmas, I figured that this guy was a little off kilt. So naturally, the whistling got to me. I started whistling too. ‘Silver Bells’. Equally as loud as I walked by. He didn’t even flinch. I was not scared, but rather apprehensive to look and see his reaction, so I didn’t. But as I walked on, the strangest thing happened. Someone else joined in. And then two more people. Almost everyone who was walking under this site, for that split second, joined in a (mediocre at best) rendition of some old Christmas song. In January.
I don’t know why I felt the need to share this, but it was strange, and fascinating. It was also very cheesy. Not so much dirty, well, other than the homeless man who looked rather scuffed up. I recommend trying it out sometime. The next time you hear someone whistling, or humming; even if it is a homeless man, or a crack whore. Do it to connect with someone you wouldn’t normally connect with. We’re all people, and we’re all in this together.
Speaking of crack whores. I came across this RANDOM blog yesterday while I was bored and googling random words and phrases. I don’t know why I do that, but I guess it keeps more of my interest than news media and celebrity crotch shots. Apparently, this guy who lives in Washington D.C. was looking out his window into the alley behind his apartment, and he came across two crack heads engaging in all sorts of sex, drugs, and sloppy holes. Very, VERY Dirty!
Posted in Dirty Dan, Dirty Tales
Tagged alley, Christmas, crack, crack whore, crane, D.C., Dirty, Dirty Dan, farts, God, Homeless, New York City, Silver Bells, whistling, White